Questions About Domestic Violence
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/DOMESTIC ABUSE?
Domestic violence is not an isolated, individual event, but rather a pattern of repeated behaviors. Unlike stranger-to-stranger violence, in domestic violence the assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. These assaults occur in different forms: physical, sexual, psychological. While physical assault may occur infrequently, other parts of the pattern may occur daily. Tactics interact with each other and have profound effects on the victims.
- Domestic violence forces victim/survivors to make choices based on how their partner may harm them, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally.
- Batterers utilize physical violence and threats of violence to enforce their control.
- Battering is a chosen behavior, committed away from the sight of others to avoid detection.
- It does not stem from an inability to be nonviolent but from an unwillingness to be so.
- Domestic violence crosses all class, race, lifestyle and religious lines.
- The only clear distinction is gender. Though same sex battering exists, as do female perpetrators on male partners, 95% of the victims of domestic violence in heterosexual couples are women battered by male partners.
- When women are battered by their female intimate partners or men battered by their male or female intimate partner, the goal remains the same....one partner controlling the other through abuse.
Is domestic violence caused by
substance abuse?
Alcohol and other drugs such as marijuana, depressants,
anti-depressants, or anti-anxiety drugs do not cause non-violent
persons to become violent. Many people use or abuse those drugs
without ever battering their partners. Research indicates that the
pattern of coercive behaviors that comprise domestic violence is not
caused by those particular chemicals, although alcohol and other
drugs may be used as an excuse for the battering. On the other hand,
there seems to be contradictory evidence whether certain drugs (PCP,
speed, cocaine or "crack") chemically react within the brain to
cause violent behavior or whether they induce paranoia or psychosis,
which is then accompanied by violent behavior. Further research is
needed to explore the cause-and-effect relationship between those
drugs and violence.
It is not sufficient to treat the chemically affected
perpetrator solely for either substance abuse or domestic violence
intervention must be directed at both problems either through (a)
concurrent interventions; (b) inpatient substance-abuse treatment
with a mandatory follow-up program for domestic violence; or (c) an
involuntary mental-health commitment with rehabilitation directed at
both the addiction and the violence.
While the presence of alcohol or drugs should not be
considered an excuse for violence, it is relevant to the assessment
of lethality and safety planning. The use of, or addiction to,
substances may increase the lethality of certain episodes of
domestic violence.
Is domestic violence caused by stress?
There are many different sources of stress in our lives and people respond to stress in a wide variety of ways. Stress does not "cause" people to act in certain ways. They react to the stresses of their lives in ways they have observed as working in the past or anticipate will work in the present. Furthermore, a stress-reduction theory of violence does not explain why individuals stressed by employment, racism, or illness direct their violence at their intimate partners rather than the sources of their stress. Moreover, many episodes of domestic violence occur when the perpetrator is not emotionally charged or stressed. It is important to hold people responsible for the choices they make regarding stress reduction, especially when those choices involve violence or other illegal behaviors. Just as we would not excuse a robbery or a mugging by a stranger simply because the perpetrator was stressed, we can no longer excuse the perpetrator of domestic violence because of stress.
Is domestic violence caused by anger?
When evaluating the role of anger in domestic violence, one must consider its role as part of a pattern and not just in isolated, individual events. There is a great deal of variability within one perpetrator's pattern as well as between perpetrators. Some battering episodes occur when the perpetrator is not emotionally charged or angry, and some occur when the perpetrator is very emotionally aroused. In some episodes, the tactics of control are used calmly, while in others displays of anger are often tactics to intimidate the victim. Perpetrators choose to use violence or other tactics of control such as displays of anger to get what they want or that to which they feel entitled. Current research indicates that there is a wide variety of arousal or anger patterns among identified perpetrators as well as among those who are identified as not abusive. These studies suggest that there may be different types of batterers. Abusers in one cluster actually reduced their heart rates during observed marital conflicts, suggesting a calm preparation for fighting rather than an out-of-control or angry response. Such research challenges the notion that domestic violence is merely an anger problem and questions the efficacy of anger-management programs for batterers.
Doesn't it take two to tango?
While some victims may resort to verbal insults, perpetrators use
both physical and verbal assaults. Verbal aggression is not the same
as a fist in the face. What perpetrators report as abusive behavior
by the victim are often acts of resistance. Victims engage in
strategies for survival during which they sometimes resist the
demands of the perpetrators. Perpetrators respond with escalating
tactics of control and violence. Some argue there is "mutual
battering" when both individuals are using physical force. In cases
where two people are using force, a determination can be made about
who may is the primary physical aggressor and who is the victim.
This assessment is based on descriptions of the event in question
but also on the history of prior violence and threats in the
relationship. Careful assessment reveals that one person is the
aggressor while the victim's violence is in self-defense (e.g. she
stabbed him as he was choking her), or occurred when the
perpetrator's violence was more severe (e.g. his punching/choking
versus her scratching). Sometimes the issue of who is the
perpetrator and who is the victim can be clarified by asking which
partner is terrified by the other's behavior.
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Questions About Batterers
What age/ethnicity/economic level/religion are batterers?
There is no simple, predictive profile that can be used to determine whether or not someone is a perpetrator of domestic violence. Perpetrators are identified only by gathering information about their behavior. Perpetrators of domestic violence can be found in all age, racial, socioeconomic, educational, occupational and religious groups. Perpetrators' primary commonality is their use of violence. They do not fit into any specific personality category or other grouping. The research is preliminary and therefore inconclusive, but it does indicate there is a great deal of diversity among perpetrators.
Domestic violence is purposeful behavior. The perpetrator's pattern of abusive acts is directed at achieving compliance from or control over the victim. It is directed at circumscribing the life of the victim so that independent thought and action are curtailed and the victim will become devoted to fulfilling the needs and requirements of the perpetrator. The pattern is not impulsive or "out of control" behavior. Tactics of control are selectively chosen by the perpetrator.
How does someone become an abuser?
Domestic violence is behavior learned through observation and reinforcement. Violent behaviors, as well as the rules of when, where, against whom, and by whom they are to be used, are learned through observation (e.g. a child witnessing abuse of his mother by his father or seeing images of violence against women in the media) or through experiences (e.g. perpetrators not held responsible, arrested, prosecuted, or sentenced appropriately for abusiveness due to a culturally sanctioned belief that men are supposed to control their partners).
Domestic violence is observed and reinforced not only in the family, but in society. It gets reinforced by society's major institutions: familial, social, legal, religious, educational, mental health, medical, entertainment, media. In these institutions, there are customs that facilitate the use of violence as legitimate means of controlling family members (e.g. religious institutions stating that a woman should submit to the will of her husband, laws that do not consider violence against intimates a crime, health systems that collude with the perpetrator by blaming victims for "provoking" the violence). These practices reinforce the use of violence to control intimates by failing to hold the perpetrator responsible and by failing to protect the victim(s).
Aren't batterers "out of control?"
Perpetrators follow their own internal rules and regulations about their abusive behaviors. Some will batter only in particular ways, hitting certain parts of the body, while others will use violence toward the victim even though they may be in conflict with their boss, other family members, or the welfare worker. Some will hit only in private while others will strike the victim in public; some will break only the victim's possessions and not their own; and others will not engage in any property destruction. The patterns vary from abuser to abuser. Perpetrators are making choices about what they will or will not do to the victim, even when they are claiming that they "lost it" or were "out of control." Such decision-making indicates they are actually in control of their abusive behaviors.
Aren't batterers mentally ill?
A small percentage of violence against adult intimates is illness-based behavior rather than domestic violence. Individuals with diseases such as Alzheimer's, Huntington's chorea, or psychosis may strike out at an intimate partner. It is relatively easy to distinguish illness-based violence from learning-based violence. The violence is not be part of a pattern of coercive control. With illness-based violence, there is usually no selection of a particular victim (whoever is present when the short circuit occurs will get attacked: e.g., health care provider, family member, friend, stranger). With learning-based violence, perpetrators use targeted violence with the intent to maintain control over a specific victim. With illness-based violence, there is a constellation of symptoms that indicate a disease process. With learning-based violence there is no indication of a disease process.
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Questions About Victims
Is domestic violence caused by the
victim's behavior or by relationship problems?
Looking at the relationship or the victim's behavior as an explanation for domestic violence takes the focus off the perpetrator's responsibility, and unintentionally supports minimization, denials, blaming, and rationalizations of violent behavior. This reinforces the perpetrator's abuse and thus contributes to the escalation of the pattern of domestic violence. People can be in distressed relationships and experience negative feelings about the other's behavior without being forced to respond with violence or other criminal activities. While some victims may have problems (e.g., substance abuse, poor communication skills, parenting difficulties), violence is not a reasonable, or a legal, response. Many perpetrators repeat their pattern of control in all their intimate relationships, regardless of significant differences in the personalities of their intimate partners or in the characteristics of those relationships. This further supports the position that while domestic violence takes place within a relationship, it is not caused by the relationship.
Aren't victims of domestic violence poor, uneducated, or belong to certain ethnic, religious, or personality groups?
Victims of domestic violence are a very heterogeneous population whose primary commonality is that they are being abused by someone with whom they are, or have been, intimate. They do not fit into any specific age cohort, racial group or personality profile. Being poor or being on welfare does not make a person more prone to be a victim of domestic violence. Early studies on victims of domestic violence attempted to focus on characteristics of the victim that would provide a causative explanation for the violence. Later studies indicate that no causative explanation has been found between characteristics of victims and their victimization Domestic violence is the result of the abuser's behaviors rather than personal characteristics of the victim. Consequently, just as with victims of other trauma (e.g., car accidents, floods, muggings), there is no particular type of person who is battered.
Were victims of domestic violence abused as children? Do they seek out violent partners and see violence as normal? If they get out of this relationship, won't they just get into another violent one?
Just as some people looked to personality or demographic characteristics of the victim to explain their victimization, it has been suggested that domestic violence victims have been victims of childhood abuse and/or of previous violent relationships, and that somehow this previous victimization contributed to their current situation. Yet there is no evidence that previous victimization either as adults or as children results in women seeking out or causing current victimization. Some victims of domestic violence have been victimized in the past and some have not. While it may be helpful to an individual victim to understand her history of victimization and her coping mechanisms in dealing with past and current abuse, it is not helpful to make inaccurate victim-blaming interpretations of this history.
I don't think victims ever accept help anyway, so what's the point of bringing the matter up?
Some of the victim's behaviors, e.g., her lack of confidence own abilities, her fear of the perpetrator, can be understood in light of the control the perpetrator has managed to enforce through isolating the victim. Without outside contact and information, it becomes more difficult for the victim to avoid the perpetrator's psychological control. Some victims come to believe the perpetrator when they are told that if they leave, they will not be able to survive alone; others resist such distortions.
Even when the victim maintains contact with friends or extended family, often those relationships are mediated through the perpetrator's control and the victim does not experience the support and advocacy needed. The perpetrator may interrogate the victim about every detail of interactions with other people and repeatedly make negative remarks about these interactions. Positive feedback or support from these relationships is often undermined by the perpetrator's intrusions on them.
Why don't victims of domestic violence just leave?
Many victims do not stay and many others come and go. The primary reason given by victims for staying with their abusers is fear of violence and the lack of real options to be safe with their children. This fear of violence is realistic. Research shows that domestic violence tends to escalate when victims leave their relationship. Some perpetrators repeatedly threaten to kill or seriously injure their victims should they attempt to leave the relationship. The victim may have already attempted to leave in the past, only to be tracked down by the perpetrator and seriously injured. Most perpetrators do not let victims simply leave relationships.
There are many reasons for staying in a violent relationship, and they vary for each victim. They may include:
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fear of violence and the perpetrator
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lack of shelters and victim-advocacy programs to provide transitional support
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lack of affordable housing that would provide safety for the victim and children
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lack of real alternatives for employment and financial assistance, especially for victims with children
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lack of affordable legal assistance necessary to obtain a divorce, custody order, or a restraining order or protection order
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being immobilized by psychological and physical trauma (victims of trauma may not be able to mobilize all that it takes to separate and establish a new life for themselves and their children, particularly during the period immediately following the trauma or if they have suffered multiple traumas)
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believing in cultural/family/religious values that encourage the maintenance of the family unit at all costs
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continuing to hope and believe the perpetrator's promises to change and to stop beg violent because of the perpetrator's positive qualities
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being told by the perpetrator, counselors, the courts, police, ministers, family members, and friends that the violence is the victim's fault, and that she could stop the abuse simply by complying with the perpetrator's demands; in these cases, the victim learns that the systems with the power to intervene will not act, and she is forced to comply with the perpetrator in hopes of stopping the abuse.
Are victims of domestic violence passive and unwilling to help themselves?
What at first may appear to be "crazy" or inappropriate behavior on the part of the victim (e.g., repeatedly missing appointments, being afraid to use legal remedies or seek battered women's advocacy services, or wanting to return to the perpetrator in spite of severe violence) may in fact be normal reactions to a "crazy" and very frightening situation. A victim uses many different strategies to cope with and resist abuse. Such strategies include: agreeing with the perpetrator's denial and minimization of the violence in public, accepting the perpetrator's promises that it will never happen again, saying that she "still loves him," being unwilling to terminate the relationship, and doing what is asked. These strategies may appear to be the result of passivity or submission, when in reality the victim has learned that these are sometimes successful temporary means of stopping the violence. Sometimes the victim will begin to terminate the relationship by seeking assistance from the court system or social-service agencies, only to see that those systems are not effective in stopping the violence. For example, a protective order may not deter the perpetrator in communities where the police refuse to enforce the order. Where outside protection fails, the victim is forced to rely on strategies that perceived to have worked in the past?
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(Adapted from: Domestic Violence: A National Curriculum for Family Preservation Practitioners by Susan Schechter and Anne Ganley produced by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, 1995).
