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What to do if someone is hurting your parent?

If you are living in a home where one adult is hurting the other, you are not alone and it is not your fault. It isn’t the fault of your parent that is being hurt either. No one does anything bad enough that they deserve to be hurt. It isn’t right to hurt other people.


It's important to find someone you trust to talk about what's happening. It's especially important to plan for your safety. You will probably need a safe, trusted adult to help you come up with the best plan. It might be a friend’s parent, a teacher, a coach, or a relative. Ask them for ideas and help.


Talking with someone about what is happening is really hard. It can be scary too. You should be proud of yourself for asking for help. That is really brave.


Protecting your parents is not your job. Being safe is your job. Do not try to get in the middle of the fight. Get yourself safe first, and then if you can, get help from other adults. Here are some steps you can take.


Safety Planning for Children Living With Domestic Violence


  • Learn how to use the phones in your house. Phones work a little bit differently from each other.

  • Learn how to call 911 in case of emergency. Learn your address. You need to be able to tell 911 where your house is.

  • Who can you call if bad things happen? Do you know how to call that safe person?

  • Figure out how you could escape from the house. Is there a back door? Is there a window you can crawl out of? What did you learn about fire drills at school? Pretend it is a fire drill and practice.

  • Once you are outside, where is a safe place to go? Is there a neighbor or friend you could go to? Is there a garage you can hide in?

  • If you cannot get out of the house, where is a safe place you can go? Is there a closet you can hide in? Under the bed? Lock yourself in the bathroom? Find a safe place and call 911.

  • When scary things happen who can you talk to about it

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